don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
