just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
