Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
