There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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