So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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