a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
