I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
