I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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