Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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