I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
