talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
