Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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