I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
