Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
