It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
