Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize