She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
