Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The power of my boobs compel you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize