distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
