woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i drank out of a bidet.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
