guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
