If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
