we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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