I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
