Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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