I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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