Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
