Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
