I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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