Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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