on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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