Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
