im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
