I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize