I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
