dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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