Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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