My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
