My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
