im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
