Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Girls should come with a carfax report
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
