Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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