Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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