It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
