Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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