Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
