so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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