Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
