I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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