I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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