Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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