The maid of honor just puked.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
