guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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