My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
do herpes really smell.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
