Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
