This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize