found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
