Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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