What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
