We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
