That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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