How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize